Just Like a Lady

my gorgeous wife
my gorgeous wife

God created a wonderful thing when he created woman.  He knew exactly what it would take for the woman to completely captivate and complete the man. He made her to be an object of man’s desire and the reason he would be willing to sacrifice all- just for her. I know this too well. I have a lady like that. But there is something my lady does not understand and that is simply why men refer to machines, to certain phenomenons, to refer to great natural object like mountains and volcanoes, as women. I am guilty of this. In fact I do it often and without reservation or hesitation. So, I set out to explore the reason why.

At one time I had a guitar named Latianna during my teen years. It

Lotus Acoustic, Lotus Les Paul, True Tone Acoustic, Hondo Les Paul, True Tone '60s Electric
Lotus Acoustic, Lotus Les Paul, True Tone Acoustic, Hondo Les Paul, True Tone ’60s Electric

was a 1980’s Hondo Les Paul style guitar that a friend had given me. It was a deep burgundy color and I was instantly drawn to its character. The color, the shape, the sound all gave me the impression that this was a female guitar and she reminded me of Russia for some reason. So, I called her Latianna. It was the same for an acoustic guitar I had. I liked the way it sounded when I played Latin style music so I named her Magda. There was not anyone that I knew by those names. In fact, I can’t recall if there was any celebrities during that time with those names. I just knew that was their names and that was that. Besides, it is just what guys do.

I have found something out about myself that I think can help shed some understanding to this mystery. When I look at my wife I see all sorts of things. I see beauty, desirability, sexiness, wisdom, passion, nurturing, understanding, and much more. Those qualities are the things I love so much about her and each of the qualities divided up by her own proportions makes up who she is. She is all woman. She does not need or want to compete with another to prove her femininity or that she is more feminine that another woman- she just is. Unlike me and my fellow ‘men’ we always have something to prove and we constantly are measuring ourselves in one form or another against each other. Women, are blessed in that way.

OK, let’s look at Lenora the 80’s Hondo Les Paul style guitar. What makes me equate wood, paint, lacquer, copper, aluminum, steel, and plastic to being feminine? Well, I guess when you put those things all together in a particular way, in their particular quantities, In their particular form something amazing happens. All of the sudden this object has a personality, an attitude, and has developed it’s own type of ‘person’ it wants to be. Goth, naughty, pristine, wholesome, strong, angry…you name it I have seen one, yes and I have even seen them sexy and seductive. What makes them ‘take on’ these qualities is not because we decide well now we have this new guitar or other machine and therefore we must give it a name and personality- no! It comes with the personality and we simply apply a name, or simply refer to it as she and leave the name open. Let’s see this is action in these two examples:

Example 1

ESP EC-100QM
ESP EC-100QM

This is a ESP LTD EC-100QM. I recently acquired this guitar. It is a wonderful guitar and has seen a lot of action. It is a quilt-top translucent black with black chrome and two double coil ESP pickups. It currently has a set of Ernie Ball Hybrid Slinky strings on it. I have played it live now twice. Both times the guitar was configured differently and was even thoroughly cleaned between the two times. The difference between the two times has change the personality and attitude of this guitar. Here is the state of it right now:

The weight is good. It leans toward the heavy side and the body and neck are smooth and soothing to touch. The stature is firm and even when the neck is stressed it remains solid. The body has the traditional ‘Paul’ shape which definitely give a feminine look. There are additional bevels and curves which serve only to please the one who plays it. The tuners are precise and hold the tune. The action of the strings is responsive and accurate and there is no anomalies on any place of the neck where there is an improper note. The neck also has a full 24 frets rather than 22 like most other guitars.  After a thorough cleaning of the pickups and the removal of nicotine and rust the sound is crisp and loud. There is little hum when. The volume and tone pots are aged and damaged. The taper for the volume is not there. The volume will abruptly cut off when there is an attempt to quiet her voice. The tone control shows little difference in sound on the bridge pickup but a mild difference in the neck pickup. There are only three knobs instead of the more common four. The bridge is a stop tailpiece type and has been adjusted for proper intonation.

When played clean- the sound is clear and the highs ring like crystal

ESP EC-100QM
ESP EC-100QM

through both pickups and playing the low notes still has a clean sound with the notes being distinct and not muddied together. With the pickup selector I can adjust this guitar to sound bluesy, country, and jazzy with no problems and all. When played dirty- the sound has a bite. The guitar takes on almost a sound of a lover scorned but still having a clear head- sounding out in words but holding back in action. When running scales up the neck you get the feel of hundreds of doves taking to flight there is a definite direction they are going but a few stragglers are clumsily heading in the proper direction. When playing low on the neck with a blues distortion and with choppy and gritty chords changes there is a feel of bossiness. This guitar snorts when properly muted and picked. It is simply wonderful.

Now we look at what we have. Just by the way I have described things here mandates that this guitar is indeed female. She has beauty, attitude, and a clear head even under duress. I do not know any guys like that. Gotta be a lady. I think Lenora is appropriate.

Example 2

This guitar shares lots of similarities with the one in example 1. But

Epiphone Les Paul Studio- May 7 2010
Epiphone Les Paul Studio- May 7 2010

there are enough differences that it would definitely cause some major considerations before identifying who she is. Let’s take a look. There is two humbucking pickups which are Gibson 490’s. There is a toggle switch that will give you one pickup or the other or both in an instant. There is a separate volume and tone pot for each pickup. A pick guard is function as not only protection for the body but also serves as an accessory of adornment. The neck has 22 frets and has conservative dot inlays. The head is grace with a beautifully written Epiphone across the top and also the classic Les Paul signature across the head between the rows of tuners. Even the truss rod cover looks expensive. There is nothing cheap looking on this guitar.

The color appears to be that of royalty. Officially called Artic Blue it has a look of nobility and humility all at the same time The blue is contrasted but the chrome hardware which I think I will one day change to gold but for now still catches the eye.. What sets this guitar apart is the curves that are not only in the body outline but in the front contours as well. These types of guitars are referred to as arch tops and these guitars are heavy and awesome. The design and wood lends to a tremendous tone and sustain. I honestly have never known any other guitar like it. I mean, I have had guitars with great

Epiphone Les Paul Studio- May 7 2010
Epiphone Les Paul Studio- May 7 2010

sustain and those with great tone but none that had both like the Les Paul. The Les Paul is a loud and proud representation of it’s namesake who was a pioneer in the area of the electric guitar. But, maybe it should have been called a Mary Ford or something because this is definitely a lady and one of distinction.

Conservatively dressed and adorned this sophisticated lady has a lot to say. When played clean the voice is strong, clear, and warm. No buzzes and smooth bends and precise noting this guitar sounds like it is almost multilingual. It can play any kind on music and do an exceptional job of it. When played dirty there is a commanding and clear voice that cuts through the others. She does not fear nor is there worry that she can perform. She is a respected beauty, she has a natural beauty and seeps with feminine softness and power. She can endure much and get back up and keep going and she has no problem tell others how she is feeling. In the hands of her master she can tell a story of joy and heartache and love and pain all at the same time. She has a youthful appearance but commands a respect of the elder ladies. She is not flashy like the BC Rich or Dean guitars and she is not bland like the Stratocaster style guitars. She is perfect in form and sound.

When I think about these qualities I am reminded of the great Queen Elizabeth I. Thus, this could her name- Elizabeth. A noble and powerful woman. But i have not decided yet.

OK, I know that I could probably have done a better job on this and I will. I will expound upon this very writing in fact and hopefully over time I will refine it in thought and grammar.