On The Road To Nowhere

On the road to nowhere.

That is what I often feel. Like I am working so hard to get to absolutely nowhere at all. I love to go to my studio and plug in my guitar and just play and play. I learn new licks and practice new cords. I tweak the settings of the guitar, I tweak the setting on my amplifier. I carefully layout the position of the pedals on my pedal board. When I am all finished I often find myself wondering why I just wasted the hour or so doing all of that when it does not matter. Nobody cares. It changes nothing for my future. Nobody will ever notice the work. Nobody would understand why I did what I did. I am not a pro musician. I am not really a very good musician. So, why do I do it?

Aria Pro II CS-350 Cardinal
Aria Pro II CS-350 Cardinal

Over the years I would say I have spent a few thousand dollars total in all my instruments and gadgets. I have a small command and control center where I stand in a cramped rigged area in the corner of the sanctuary where I play. To look at the whole area you would wonder why nobody has cried about the safety concerns with the cramped quarters and hundreds of feet of wires and cables and all about. Everything is a hodgepodge of equipment dating from as far as three or four decades to modern things just acquired within the past few months. My person equipment is in the same situation. But it is the way I personally like it. I do not particularly feel safe where I am playing but the bubble I am in is the sound I live in.

I kiddingly ask others of my peers ‘what do you want to be when you grow up’ only to secretly learn if where there are is what they expect to have the rest of their lives. I on the other hand do not see my day job as a ‘what I am’ for the rest of my life. I see it as a necessity to pay living expenses. I honestly live daily knowing that my real job outside of being a servant, a husband, and a dad, is being a worship musician for Christ. I do not get paid for being that, but it is what I do nonetheless. My daytime job is fraught with uncertainties. My real job is secure for eternity.

I will never be famous. I will never make a living playing. I will never

Aria Pro II CS-350 Cardinal -Me playing at the 2009 NECC Outreach event
Aria Pro II CS-350 Cardinal -Me playing at the 2009 NECC Outreach event

be asked to play on an album. I will never be asked to perform for an event. If I ever have to leave my current church I doubt I would ever be asked to play again. But, I will still be playing to honor Christ for all He has done while I am here. I even know that there are some at my church who do not like what I do. That’s OK. I do not do it for them. This is Christ’s church and if He wanted it any different He would make it happen. So, as far as the world is concerned and maybe even as far as you are concerned I may be wasting my time. But, as far as I am concerned my heart is where it is and it is what I can give my absolute all for my King!

What do you do?